I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
