it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
