i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
