My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
