Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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