May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
