I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize