I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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