answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't notice because vodka
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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