Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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