She is in my trunk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
