I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want nice things and good sex
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
