just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So much Jack, so little girl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
