I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
