You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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