what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
