he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
