Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
