Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
