she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
