i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
