I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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