Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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