Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
