so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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