party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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