ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
