Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
