Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
