I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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