you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she looked like the before picture.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
