Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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