And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
