i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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