If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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