and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
