Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
