Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
