I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
