Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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