just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize