pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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