So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
