Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
