There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
