DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
