Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
