Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's never too late to be topless.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
