I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
