so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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