I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
