He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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