Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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