Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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