That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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