jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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