Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
