hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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