There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
