i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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