If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
