Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
