My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
