She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
