you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
