saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
