Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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