Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
