You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
