What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
